Tinkering Consciousness: Exploring Awareness and Self

The Accidental Beginning

This is the field report of a materialist atheist who accidentally discovered a pattern of inner energetic sensations within the human body — a system long described, and often guarded, by ancient Eastern traditions. The exploration of this energy changed my perception of my own Self.

My starting point was that of a skeptic — someone who dismissed any unverified claim and saw meditation, Qi, and chakras as mere cultural myths. I was an ordinary person, focused on work and reason, who entered this unknown territory through the least “spiritual” of doors: sexual experience.

Without knowing it, I had practiced something close to tantric sex, and then — unexpectedly — felt something rise along my spine. It resembled what those same old texts, once dismissed as superstition, described as kundalini. The sensation appeared precisely in the zones associated with the first three chakras.

That moment changed everything. Curiosity replaced disbelief. I began to experiment, mapping the sensations, testing whether they appeared in other traditional energy centers. They did.

The Sensation That Watches Itself

After years of inquiry, I realized what I had stumbled upon was known in Daoist and Tantric traditions as dual cultivation — a meditative approach centered not on thought or breath, but on the direct perception of subtle bodily energy, called Qi or Prana.

Unlike conventional breath-focused meditation, this energy offered a living feedback system: it intensified when awareness was present and vanished the moment attention drifted. It became a perfect anchor for mindfulness — far more responsive than the breath itself.

If I drifted into thought, it faded. If I returned to awareness, it reappeared — stronger and more fluid.

This dynamic interplay between body and awareness formed a virtuous loop: the more refined my attention, the stronger the sensation became, and the stronger it grew, the deeper my awareness turned.

From Sex to Spirit

Gradually, a subtle but profound shift took place. What began as a physical experiment evolved into a transformation of consciousness.

I no longer experienced myself as the protagonist in a story, but as the awareness behind it. The same sensation that had once felt erotic now served as a bridge between matter and mind — between the worldly and the spiritual.

By playing with the sensation, I was tinkering with my very consciousness.

Observations, Not Conclusions

This blog is not a doctrine — it’s a logbook of experiments in consciousness. Here I share:

• My personal journey, from the accidental discovery, fifteen years ago, until today
• the techniques I used to work with Qi and Prana
• firsthand notes on the meditative and energetic states that followed
• reflections on the ancient texts that illuminated or confused the path
• and thoughts on how culture and power have shaped the spiritual search.

When necessary, I will use terms from Eastern traditions — such as Qi, Shen, Kundalini, or Tantric sex — not for their mystical connotations, but because they are the closest available labels for the physiological and perceptual shifts I experienced.

I still value skepticism and the scientific method. I hold no certainties, and I am not here to preach. These are observations, not conclusions — fragments of a personal exploration that may resonate with, or contradict, your own.

Draw your own conclusions. The path is yours.